Wendi.bnkywuvSomething I did in protest of my emotionally abusive parent who hates my autism based face making.
This is a character I've been drawing for years, even as a child. It's mostly cross eyed because as a baby I was born cross eyed. It's basically how I see myself, especially in dreams going back to my childhood, a highly expressive creature that is no more than a blob with a single "eye" (more like a head) and a membrane that can add on colors and shapes like a cephalopod, in addition to creating the appearance of googly eyes.
The drama masks represent masking and pretending to be happy with the act or pretending that nothing is wrong, either from the abuse or the masking causing immense distress, (the comedy mask), while the other represents repressed emotions and stress that come from masking, and pretending (or being forced) to feel sorry for an abuser when deep down I know what's really going on, and how I should feel good about myself and my abilities, but not being able to express it.
In addition, the masks represent the shifting emotions that come from being made to hide authenticity, and those emotions not coming from an internal, self realization state, but rather being forced on to me by someone else. I would not have these feelings of shame, false hope, and the false belief that I'm a problem if not for her.
As well as the 2 faced maternal unit I have who forces me to mask, yet has everyone hoodwinked into her being such a kind and sweet human. The masks also symbolize the way others will see me as I mask. It's not who I really am.
P.S. the word weird is intentionally misspelled to add to the irony.
2024-10-17 05:12:05 +0000