NegaPosiI was diagnosed with OCD a few weeks ago. More specifically, POCD. What my OCD does to me is force me to be afraid of harming minors or other people thinking that i would harm minors. My morality really matters to me, and so does not doing harm to people. My OCD making me feel like i can hurt children with thoughts i didn't cause, want, or enjoy doesn't help. I have had issues with tying every single thought i have to my moral character, even when i didn't want them or didn't make these thoughts happen.
I know this isn't normal. I know this is fucked up and disgusting. This is why OCD is a mental illness that needs treatment. This is why i'm getting treatment. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to be anywhere near children. I don't want to have children, and i'm definitely not going to start a family in my lifetime with what my OCD does to me.
I hate children. I feel disgust towards them and they make me feel disgusted towards myself. I can't control the fear and disgust i feel. I had to have my therapist tell me that my thoughts are not me. I can't understand the concept of not being my thoughts, because my thoughts are my brain and i need to be responsible for my brain. But i have thoughts that pop up out of nowhere and i begin to feel disgusted and scared because i even had them in the first place.
I don't want this. I never wanted this and i never wanted people to think that i would do anything to minors. POCD is the worst fucking name for this condition that could exist but i don't know what other name it would go by.
I came out about this to a lot of people and i'm scared. I made a promise to stay off of the internet but that was only because i personally misinterpreted a comment my mother made. She just wanted me to stay away from people that don't want to understand or know what OCD is. Those disgusting performative normie scumbags.
I need to clarify and educate on POCD so that people have a clear understanding of what is happening to me.
I'm sorry for being like this.
2023-08-29 03:50:29 +0000